I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
