roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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