Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
