so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Bring me that man meat
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
