just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
