Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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