Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
