at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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