YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
