Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize