Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
