this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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