There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
