i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
