I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
