i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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