I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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