I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
