i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
