Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
