I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
