One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
