i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
