This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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