i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
