How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
