Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
handjob tips. give me some.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
