You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
