Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
