I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize