Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Semen is not good for contacts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
