the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
