I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
