I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize