I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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