everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
