apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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