i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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