you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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