I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
