Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
