she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
