well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
