That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
