It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
