Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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