The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
