Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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