She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
