he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
