She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
