Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
