It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
