what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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