Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
