So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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