i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
