i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
