Her vagina should come with caution tape.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
