did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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