So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
