guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
