im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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