My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
