SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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