I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
