Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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