Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
