K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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