Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
