You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Two words: blizzard sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
