Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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