I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
